I knew someday I wanted a homebirth . When I called the midwife I had been stalking via Internet watching her business grow I expected alot of no's and to be turned away.Still I was hopeful she'd take me on as a client. I knew Homebirth was the only way I could do this.This was my fourth pregnancy and to say the last two were rough is an understatement.I wasn't ready to do this so soon,I just had a baby 10 months prior.As I dialed the phone I prayed,please help me thru this. I got her voice mail and left my message,my hope dwindled.She called me right back and I started to rattle off my issues..I'm old,so what she said..I have a history of gestational diabetes with both previous pregnancies,so what she said in the kindest voice.We made an appointment.
When I walked into her office with my mental list of questions to grill her with,it all went out the window.We just started chatting,she put me me at ease.i liked her from the start,we laughed.There was a great vibe swirling about.I was on such a high when I left,excitement abounded.I couldn't wait to tell my husband how great she was.I never wanted anything more than to have this Homebirth.Was I scared,yes but I knew if she helped me I could do it.Do you is what I said to her,I'll do the rest.And with that she was my midwife.
I had walked in there broken,my last pregnancies were so hard.I still had a touch of post partum depression.I had felt like such a failure.My last OB's were fine,just not easy to deal with.They left me doubting myself and with no confidence as a woman to birth a child naturally or even have an easy 9 months of growing this baby.
With each visit Sizzly became my friend,she listened to my fears,she cried with me.At one point I thought are you supposed to like her this much,yes..yes you are.She became to my friend,my biggest cheerleader,she helped me gain my confidence back as a woman.I needed that most.I know women birth babies everyday with no medical intervention or pain meds..I had 3 previous hospital births with all the bells and whistles.I liked the whistles,but did I really need them?I wasn't sure,I had relied on pain medication.I quite liked it.But it didn't make the birth an easier or less painful.I just knew I could do this,I didn't want to go in and laydown on a bed and have my birth happen TO me.I wanted to feel empowered,present and peaceful.This was my only thought and goal for 9 months, I psyched myself up..Got my head in the game.Many people I encountered would look at me like I was nuts,even family.But I brushed it off and never wavered in my plan.
I grew more confident and ready each time I spoke with Sizzly,all of our visits were filled with laughter and positivity.I needed this.To say she was a kind soul wouldn't do her justice,she was amazing.Which in turn made my pregnancy wonderful.When we first met I told her I did t need hand holding,I wanted a very hands off type of care.In reality she held my hand the whole way,watching over me carefully.I had the most easy,natural,amazing pregnancy.It was crazy to not gain 50 pounds,not have gestational diabetes,to feel so great.I took tons of pictures,which I never do.I was on top of world.We built a bond of trust and friendship which I think is so important. I never for a second let fear creep in.I knew I could do this,I knew she'd be by my side.
On Sunday I was 39 weeks pregnant and over it.Sizzly had been over days before and swept my membranes in hopes it would help me progress.Nothing.I was ready tho.So I did what everyone says not too,I took the castor oil.I did text Sizzly to ask if she had plans for that day, thought I'd at least be polite about it.She gave me the ok and at noon I took 2 ozs and waited..
Nothing spectacular happened so 2 hours later I laid down for a nap.When I woke up still nothing.I was worried because I had never really felt contractions,would I know when it's happening?
I cooked dinner around 5 pm texting a friend that castor oil was worthless and I was leaving the rest in the bottle becuase nothing was happening.Right after that I was cleaning the kitchen walking thru the dining room when a contraction stopped me dead in my tracks.I tried to call out for someone but had to breath through..YES this is it!Wanting to be sure I finished cleaning and told everyone in the house this could be it..Clean up the house we may have company lol As they scattered frantically cleaning asking me a million times "is this it?" I took to the bathroom to flat iron my hair and timing contractions,I stood there doing my hair swaying through the contractions.Wasn't bad at all,I kept telling myself your gonna be fine.. I started to feel calm and excitement wash over me,I was almost giddy.But I surely was not going to give birth looking a hot mess lol
They were getting closer together picking up a rhythm and getting more intense.I called Sizzly to update her and she instinctively knew by my breathy answer that it was time " I'm on my way" she told me.I had everything prepared for weeks and gathered everything,swaying and laughing with nervous family while I waited.I expected this was going to take forever,that was not the case.
By the time Sizzly got her like a flash of lightening I was definitely in the thick of labor,but it wasn't like I expected at all.It was more a rush of sensation flooding over me every few minutes. For some reason I thought it would be cramping,screaming pain.notably amazing knowing with each rush my baby was getting closer to arriving.
She checked me right away, my water had broken!This made me clap with joy,I hadn't even known and was at a good 6cm. Dialated.
We carried on with our usual jokes stopping every so often to breathe & sway through the contractions.This was really easy I thought,there's got to be more pain right?
About this time Doula the other midwife swept in like a breath of fresh air.We had only met briefly once before but here she was in my home.She jumped right in putting much welcomed pressure on my hips as each contraction grew and I found a comfortable place to work thru them.As I swayed Sizzly readied everything,Doula never left me but seemed to fade into each contraction with me.We swayed together and chatted jokingly in between.Thats when transition started sending me to my knees,that hurt.But I knew as they got stronger it wouldn't be much longer,I was in the zone.Things got fuzzy,I don't remember time frames or who was where. I just knew it was time to move to the tub.
Dan was nervously taping,herding small children and trying to be supportive.He hates seeing me in pain wanting to help but his job was to be a cheerleader and not miss a shot.I wanted to document this birth so badly.My last birth video was hard for me to watch to this day,but I have it.I wanted to capture magic this time..To say we did is an uderstatement.
As I got into my magnificent huge tub I felt the pain ease away.I had a ring tube I stole from my kids to hug as I sat waiting for something to happen. We chatted while I found a comfortable spot,which quickly changed to me on my hands & knees slip sliding around.Note to self:don't let your kids take a bubble bath before giving birth in the tub,it makes for bad traction.I requested a towel to kneel on.Sizzly jumped in the tub with me encouraging me to do as I felt,if I needed to push go for it.Doula started helping me breath and reminding me to keep my eyes open. I couldn't really focus on anything around me but I knew my 5 year old was close by.I wanted to stay calm for her sake so she didn't get scared.Dad hovered in the doorway with the video camera.
I kept thinking I'm pushing but the baby seems so far away,I can't do this.I stopped for a second sat up and asked for the room to be cleared,meaning get the kids out. I felt like I needed to get out of the tub,like I was going to run from the pain.Where was I going? I have no clue lol but within seconds I knew I wasn't moving an inch.
My daughter was right there hovering over me telling me how great I was doing,this child would not be moved away from me.Not scared of a thing going on anxiously waiting to be the first to hold that baby.No matter how much we tried she was there to stay.This is why I love her..
As I held her hand squeezing it I could hear Doula in my ear telling me to open my eyes as I pushed.Sizzly was telling me I was right there,one more push..just as I lost my breath and Doula told me to breath I could feel the baby starting to crown,this was it I'm almost done!I remembered reading something that said as soon as you reach the point you can't take anymore,take a breath because your done birth is right around the corner and it was so true.As I let out that scream Sizzly told me to catch my baby.I was so tired,my extremities were like jelly "where where" is all I could get out.And there he was,my boy in my arms.I did it,we did it.I started to cry & kiss him.I thanked everyone in the room,even Doula for letting me bite her arm lol The whole process took 3 hours.
I cuddled him but could tell something was different,his texture was different.He felt almost floppy,I found his chubby little face and looking deeply at him I just knew.I didn't panic because I knew I was being taped and my 5 year old was still glued to the edge of the tub clapping excitedly asking to hold him.I reached for Sizzly pulling her close to me whispering "I think he has Down Syndrome, look at his face" Beyond the biggest chubby cheeks I had ever seen,there it was Down Syndrome.Sweet almond shaped eyes looking at me.He was beautiful and perfect,my son.My husband pushed past the 5 year old still begging to hold the perfect pink baby to cut the cord.
We moved to the toilet briefly as my placenta came right out.This made had my midwives giggle with excitement as they explored it's beauty.I didn't get it but they said it was awesome and huge lol We had plans for it to be made into a tincture,which I loved the thought of.
As we talked about how amazing it was that I just gave birth in my tub,my thoughts never left the beautiful surprise that I just gave birth too.Nobody else knew but Sizzly & I.We moved to the bed ushering everyone out of my bedroom,Sizzly went to work massaging me reassuring me everything was ok.I was flooded with emotions of joy and excitement but was worried for his health.Was he ok?Sizzly started looking over this peaceful being so quiet and the cheeks,I couldn't get over how huge they were.He was so gorgeous.She inspected him intently listening to his heart,she said no murmur which set my mind at ease.We then weighed him,he was huge 9 pounds 6 ozs. My biggest baby!
As Sizzly and Doula went to work cleaning up I started babbling,not sure of it was the flood of chemicals that take over after you give birth but it hit me like a ton of bricks and I started to put it all together,the tears came but it was peaceful I wasn't afraid. It's just Down Syndrome,it's ok.What's an extra chromosome?
I knew immediately everything would be ok.I gave him a perfect pregnancy, an amazing magical birth at home surrounded by love & family.No whisking away by doctors,no scary words,not separated from me.There he was this magical being laying on my bare chest hearing my heart,feeling the love I had for him.Everyone's first question is did I know before I had him,no I did not.We previously had a false positive with my older son and was very much against testing again with this pregnancy.It was one of the first things Sizzly and I spoke about,she was very much on my side.My thoughts were so what,it wouldn't change a thing.I'm thankful I didn't test,I didn't have months of worry or stress putting all of that into my child.It happened this way for a reason,it was fate.At some point in time the Universe heard me say outloud it was ok in earnest and picked me to be his Mother.I had no expectations of the soul sent to me,so there was no disappointment or grief as I never planned a trip to Holland or Italy.I planned to be a Mother..I only knew I loved this child more than anything in the world,he was mine..My sweet Nico.
I told Sizzly this as we talked and we cried,I told her everything was ok. I thanked her for taking such good care of me,that she made all this possible.I was able to do this my way with her help and love.I was overjoyed at the miracle that just took place I wouldn't change it for the world.I mean I just gave birth in my tub!How amazing is that!
When Dan came in he laid across the bed to kiss me and our beautiful baby boy,I got to tell him about Nico.I saw the worry and confusion wash over him I reassured him he was ok,everything would be ok.With that I knew we could get through anything,he's my rock & the love of my life.Theres nothing we can't do together.
As we passed the baby around I searched for away to tell my other children,but couldn't find the words and for now that was ok.The ladies cleaned me up and we toasted champagne to his wonderful birth.
After everyone left I laid down with my son looking into his perfect face..Don't be afraid we can do this I whispered to him.I love you and will always fight for you,I'm right here I whispered to him.As we fell asleep I continued to whisper all the dreams I had for him telling him how much I loved him.I let the tears come but I knew in my heart everything would be ok.Everyone tells me how lucky he is to have me as his Mother,but I think they are wrong..I'm lucky to have him as my son..my dearest Nico,a child has never been held so closely to my heart or loved more than you my son.
To my husband thankyou for always being right by my side..You make all things possible and I couldn't be more grateful to have you as the Father of my beautiful children.
To Sizzly you are an angel sent to give me strength & love,I can never thankyou enough for all that you do.You will always be held so closely to my heart,I wish you much success in all that you do.You truly are a blessing to mothers and will someday know how special you are.
To Doula I wish you all the love in the world and thankyou for letting me bite you.you were so wonderful to me.More women should support & uplift each other as you do did for me at my birth.
To my son Nico you are perfect the way you are,I will always be by your side my love.I look forward to this journey through life together.
Love Mama ♥
Birth of Ben August 2010
I’m so pleased to share the birth story of my third child. My two previous births took place in a hospital. The labor for my first child was 24 hours long and painful with drugs and an epidural. During labor for my second child, I had meconium staining, delayed labor, was given overdose of pitocin, and again had drugs and an epidural. Afterwards, my baby and I both developed life-threatening Staph. infections.
I decided to take charge of my health and the health of my family. This included looking back on my two previous births and the interventions that took place. I knew several women who had their babies at home in the water. Each of them had fast, joyful births. When I became pregnant for the third time, I was determined to birth at home without medical intervention.
After many interviews, I met midwife Sizzly Auer. I was especially grateful that she offered prenatal visits in my home and, also, that she respected my desire for a hands-off approach. I admit that I still had my doubts about my ability to birth naturally. The regular reassurance I received from her was priceless and I had much less worry than with my previous births. I was also lucky enough to speak with a homeopathic practitioner who recommended I take caulophyllum during my last trimester to soften my cervix. Sure enough, Sizzly said that I had one of the softest cervixes she had ever felt.
My labor began at 7:30am in August of 2010. As it intensified, I was surprised to find that sitting on the toilet was the most comfortable place. That also removed the need to get up and down as my body naturally purged itself. Sizzly was the first to arrive. She found me dilated to 2 centimeters. By 9:30am I was anxious to get in the water and Sizzly agreed it would be a good idea. During my prenatal visits, she said I needed to “give in to the process” and I tried to keep that in mind. At 10:30am, as my husband finished filling the birthing tub, my water broke. It was a nice relief but I knew things were about to get heavy. A few minutes later, I was in the water… what a fantastic feeling! I listened to my Hypno-birthing CD while Sizzly and my husband poured warm water on my back. I stayed as deep as possible in the birthing tub to take full advantage of the water’s buoyancy. I envisioned my cervix opening with each contraction and remembered that a friend once told me to “be a wet noodle”. I rubbed my tubby, told the baby what a good job it was doing and repeatedly said “come, Baby” … something simple I learned about in the Hypno-birthing book. It may sound a bit funny but nobody really knew what I was saying and it worked magic!
After a few intense contractions, I told Sizzly that I didn’t think I was going to make it. She immediately brought me a teaspoon of honey and that gave me the energy I needed to go on. Because I wanted to limit any cervical exams, we didn’t know I was in transition. In fact, my strongest contraction in the water felt much like the early ones I experienced during my hospital births. Sizzly suggested that I give a little push just to see if it felt right. What fantastic instincts she has! On the next contraction, I gave a tiny little push. My body responded instantly with two incredible contractions of it’s own. I let out a yell and everyone came running. LOL… they were as surprised as I was! Two or three pushes later, out came a beautiful, healthy baby boy. It was almost noon. I had
only a 4-hour labor and could not have asked for a more perfect birth experience.
I hope my story will inspire others to experience birth the way God and nature intended. It is an incredible and joyous event! The things that helped me the most are:
My wonderful midwife, Sizzly Auer
Good nutrition and homeopathic remedies
Practicing relaxation techniques (Hypno-birthing)
Giving myself positive messages (and staying away from negative ones)
WATER, WATER, WATER !
God bless you all and THANK YOU!